I have been remiss in almost all of my duties. I am looking at the date of my last post and it's been more than 2 months since I have posted anything. I have plenty of thoughts and blogs in the making, but none have come to fruition.
It's been a crazy summer. After the semester ended I enjoyed a couple weeks of just random downtime at work. Then the best thing on earth happened! A real, actual, adult vacation. You know, the kind where you leave for an extended period of time, in this case 2 full weeks, and completely leave work and obligations behind. I traveled Europe for 2 weeks and it was so glorious that I actually miss it. I will admit that I did work out 3 times in 2 countries, which is something most people don't do on vacation (a blog about that is in the making, my apologies), and was actually determined to try to fit in more training. After all I am a bit of a crazy person when it comes to lifting and training.
Or at least I was before vacation. Taking all that time away from my normal life and everything I have committed myself to put a lot of things into perspective for me.
1. I work too much. I consider myself currently having 4 jobs. Yes 4 f-ing jobs. Full time I'm an assistant strength coach and I love it. Part time I coach weightlifting at two other gyms and I love that too. I also personal train on occasion and I love that too. I love all of them and I happen to be pretty good at them. I am starting to realize that I can probably love something to death. I can love something so much that I get burnt out on it and just keep pushing and pushing and putting my hand in the fire until I'm completely charred. I'm not sure I would call it over-commitment though. When I commit to something I will see it through, possibly to my own detriment.
After vacation I realized I needed a change. Give myself time to just BE. Just do something that wasn't work related, lifting related. Or maybe even just do nothing at all. When you're used to just always doing something, doing nothing feels really odd for awhile. I have had one completely free night during the week and usually one full free day on the weekend for myself for ohhhh about the last 2 years.
This leads me to....
2. I don't socialize near enough. Unless you're someone I work with, a teammate or someone I coach, I probably haven't seen you much if at all in the last 6 months. I rarely go out during the week, usually because I'm working. The other excuse I give myself is that I have to get up early for work the next day, the next day is a training day, I'm really tired, I will just go out on the weekend to make up for it, or some combo of those excuses. The weekend rolls around and usually the excuse is that I'd rather stay in and be lazy.
The truth of all of it is that I'm just lazy and have hermit/homebody tendencies. I'm always gonna be tired. I think that's called adulthood. Sure it sucks to roll in to work before the sun rises running on only a few hours of sleep but what's the difference if I'm gonna be tired. Hell last weekend I got a grand total of 2 1/2 hours sleep after a Friday night out and the next morning bright & early got a PR muscle snatch of 48x2.
Back to the point of being social, I really don't socialize and haven't been really out and about dating a whole lot. Text messaging and Facebook don't count as being social. They are in fact quite the opposite. By making it easier to communicate and keep up with what others are doing they actually seem to promote less getting together and seeing friends. What the hell do you talk to your friends about in person when you've already posted every tiny detail of your life?!
3. I work so much and make a decent amount of money but never treat myself to anything. With all the jobs that I have you'd think I'd either be rich or hiding a secret gambling addiction where I owe some loan shark thousands of dollars. Truth is that I just don't spend money on myself. I wear clothes well past their prime, holey socks, shorts with waistbands that just aren't quite elastic anymore. Perhaps because I don't socialize much I don't go out to dinner much. Or perhaps because I'm such a cheap ass I don't socialize because I don't spend money.
Blood, sweat, & tears kinda money that I don't spend. Make sense to work that hard and then do nothing? Probably not. I have friends that I'm pretty certain are appalled with my wardrobe or lack thereof. Is it frugal? Probably. Is it logical? Probably not. I have no idea. It all probably requires therapy.
However, this summer I definitely changed things around a bit. I finally decided to quit one job. I finally stopped making excuses to stay in and started making excuses to go out. Partying like I'm still in college (without the ability to recover as quickly). I almost in essence started spending money like its water. It's been a fun summer and I wouldn't really change it for anything.
Except at the end of the day it's not me. I have been remiss of many things. Obviously I haven't been posting blogs as often. That's perhaps because I haven't been training near as much lately. I'm skipping Nationals this year. My body is most definitely not ready for it and even worse than that is my mind is not ready for it. I just haven't been able to get focused on much of anything lately. And that bothers me because that's just not me. I would occasionally describe myself as having single-minded determination. Right now I don't even have the right words to describe my recent state of mind and actions.
The good news now is that, even though I've been remiss all summer long, I am now feeling myself slip back on track. I'm getting back into a good routine and I'm getting my mind refocused. I'm doing the things I need to do when they need done. I'm doing it all but the new key here is that I'm not leaving behind my epiphanies of this summer. I'm evolving. I'll still be the Beastess but a better balanced Beastess. All animals evolve and it was high time the Beastess followed suit.
It's been a crazy summer. After the semester ended I enjoyed a couple weeks of just random downtime at work. Then the best thing on earth happened! A real, actual, adult vacation. You know, the kind where you leave for an extended period of time, in this case 2 full weeks, and completely leave work and obligations behind. I traveled Europe for 2 weeks and it was so glorious that I actually miss it. I will admit that I did work out 3 times in 2 countries, which is something most people don't do on vacation (a blog about that is in the making, my apologies), and was actually determined to try to fit in more training. After all I am a bit of a crazy person when it comes to lifting and training.
Or at least I was before vacation. Taking all that time away from my normal life and everything I have committed myself to put a lot of things into perspective for me.
1. I work too much. I consider myself currently having 4 jobs. Yes 4 f-ing jobs. Full time I'm an assistant strength coach and I love it. Part time I coach weightlifting at two other gyms and I love that too. I also personal train on occasion and I love that too. I love all of them and I happen to be pretty good at them. I am starting to realize that I can probably love something to death. I can love something so much that I get burnt out on it and just keep pushing and pushing and putting my hand in the fire until I'm completely charred. I'm not sure I would call it over-commitment though. When I commit to something I will see it through, possibly to my own detriment.
After vacation I realized I needed a change. Give myself time to just BE. Just do something that wasn't work related, lifting related. Or maybe even just do nothing at all. When you're used to just always doing something, doing nothing feels really odd for awhile. I have had one completely free night during the week and usually one full free day on the weekend for myself for ohhhh about the last 2 years.
This leads me to....
2. I don't socialize near enough. Unless you're someone I work with, a teammate or someone I coach, I probably haven't seen you much if at all in the last 6 months. I rarely go out during the week, usually because I'm working. The other excuse I give myself is that I have to get up early for work the next day, the next day is a training day, I'm really tired, I will just go out on the weekend to make up for it, or some combo of those excuses. The weekend rolls around and usually the excuse is that I'd rather stay in and be lazy.
The truth of all of it is that I'm just lazy and have hermit/homebody tendencies. I'm always gonna be tired. I think that's called adulthood. Sure it sucks to roll in to work before the sun rises running on only a few hours of sleep but what's the difference if I'm gonna be tired. Hell last weekend I got a grand total of 2 1/2 hours sleep after a Friday night out and the next morning bright & early got a PR muscle snatch of 48x2.
Back to the point of being social, I really don't socialize and haven't been really out and about dating a whole lot. Text messaging and Facebook don't count as being social. They are in fact quite the opposite. By making it easier to communicate and keep up with what others are doing they actually seem to promote less getting together and seeing friends. What the hell do you talk to your friends about in person when you've already posted every tiny detail of your life?!
3. I work so much and make a decent amount of money but never treat myself to anything. With all the jobs that I have you'd think I'd either be rich or hiding a secret gambling addiction where I owe some loan shark thousands of dollars. Truth is that I just don't spend money on myself. I wear clothes well past their prime, holey socks, shorts with waistbands that just aren't quite elastic anymore. Perhaps because I don't socialize much I don't go out to dinner much. Or perhaps because I'm such a cheap ass I don't socialize because I don't spend money.
Blood, sweat, & tears kinda money that I don't spend. Make sense to work that hard and then do nothing? Probably not. I have friends that I'm pretty certain are appalled with my wardrobe or lack thereof. Is it frugal? Probably. Is it logical? Probably not. I have no idea. It all probably requires therapy.
However, this summer I definitely changed things around a bit. I finally decided to quit one job. I finally stopped making excuses to stay in and started making excuses to go out. Partying like I'm still in college (without the ability to recover as quickly). I almost in essence started spending money like its water. It's been a fun summer and I wouldn't really change it for anything.
Except at the end of the day it's not me. I have been remiss of many things. Obviously I haven't been posting blogs as often. That's perhaps because I haven't been training near as much lately. I'm skipping Nationals this year. My body is most definitely not ready for it and even worse than that is my mind is not ready for it. I just haven't been able to get focused on much of anything lately. And that bothers me because that's just not me. I would occasionally describe myself as having single-minded determination. Right now I don't even have the right words to describe my recent state of mind and actions.
The good news now is that, even though I've been remiss all summer long, I am now feeling myself slip back on track. I'm getting back into a good routine and I'm getting my mind refocused. I'm doing the things I need to do when they need done. I'm doing it all but the new key here is that I'm not leaving behind my epiphanies of this summer. I'm evolving. I'll still be the Beastess but a better balanced Beastess. All animals evolve and it was high time the Beastess followed suit.
you'll be fine Beastess...the platform doesn't tell you "who" you are just "what" you are. "What" you are is a weightlifter, and a good one at that. "Who" you are is a constant question we all ask ourselves throughout life (or at least we should). "Who" a person is can be a collection of their joys, risk/rewards, pains, losses, mistakes, accomplishments, habits,loves, interests, and expressions just to name a few. One has to live life to experience these....crushing weights on the platform is just what the Beastess was born to do...see you soon. Denny
ReplyDeleteWords of wisdom, Denny! Thanks for the inspiring words. We'll see you on the platform soon!
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