Weight Room Etiquette

Do's & Don'ts of Being in a Weight Room

DO
- Clean up your weights when you're done. Oh you don't like picking up after people?  Well neither do I so clean up your shit.

- Use bigger plates.  Loading the bar with a bunch of 10k plates is a dick move, especially if there are other lifters who actually need those plates.  The plates you're looking for are generally colored blue and red so don't be a dipshit, use them.

- Clean the bar if you bleed on it.  I don't know where you've been.  I don't want your cooties.  Torn callouses = badge of bad-ass honor.  Leaving your blood on the bar = dirty vagabond asshole.

- Use your time wisely.  Spending 10 minutes between sets because you're updating Facebook about every tiny sensation you experienced during your last set of squats is STRICTLY PROHIBITED.  And your phone may become a victim of "I don't know how it ended up under the weights I was dropping."

- Shout appropriate well-timed encouragement to fellow lifters.  If you're not sure of what to yell the basic standbys are "Let's go!" or "Come on!" or "Get after it!"  If you don't know the lifter's particular nuances or you're one of those newbie lifters, please refrain from shouting technical cues at the lifter.

- Get used to not having super soft girly hands.  We're lifting weights not petting kitties.

- Wear spandex or other applicable tight clothing.  Why?  So it doesn't get in the way of your lifting, genius.  No it doesn't have to come from Lululemon.  You can buy 4 pairs of tights at Target and support a child in Malaysia for what one pair of Lulu tights cost.

- Get used to speaking in grunts.  It means you're trying hard.  It's also easier to describe in grunts what you're trying to do. 

DON'T
- Walk in front of a lifter that's taking an attempt, especially if it's a max attempt.  If you're not sure if it's a max attempt ask yourself this, "Does it look heavy?"  Yes?  Then move your dumb ass out of the way.  And most certainly DO NOT stand right there in front of them and stare.  This gives them license to drop kick your ass across the weight room. 

- Take weights from a platform that someone else is using.  Walk your lazy ass over to the rack & get your own damn weights.  If you absolutely must share weights, be a gentleman(woman) and ask first, even if you only need them for one set.  Otherwise you deserve to get charlie-horsed in both calves. 

- Talk to someone chalking up if they appear to be "in the zone."  This is usually indicated by screaming, muttering to themselves, a solemn face staring into the distance, or any combination of the above.  Punishment might include a backhand to the face.

- Lift face to face on the same platform at the same time.  I mean come on this isn't Jazzercise.  It's also not the club so I don't need you all up in my personal lifting bubble.  Get your face outta my face or I'm gonna throw my weights at you. 

- Strut around the weight room like a peacock.  Save that shit for a Globo Gym bench-a-thon.  Pay your dues and earn your stripes like the rest of us.  Shut up, pick up something heavy, repeat.  Peacocking belongs at the zoo.

- Talk back to your coach.  They're your coach for a reason.  If you aren't going to listen to them and their programming then they have no reason to listen to you whine about not making gains.  Shut your mouth, do your work, trust your coach.

- Take a perfectly good block of chalk and break it into 1000 pieces.  Or that's what will happen to your face.

- Give pointers if you don't know what you're talking about.  Also don't demonstrate your lack of knowledge, it only makes your lack thereof more glaring in your attempt to be "helpful."  The less you really know about it the dumber you will appear, especially when pantomiming.


Happy lifting!